Don’t be afraid of colour – it’s 2020, so leave the monochromatic scheme behind. Especially with food, it’s more appetizing to see different colours on your plate. And you have to admit, having that variety makes you feel a little bit fancier. If that doesn’t lift your mood, I don’t know what will.
Being a sucker for a good love story, I prepared myself for two hours of heart-tugging feels. Plot-wise, if caring for your comatose girlfriend for years is not romantic and sad enough, how about realizing that she has no memories of you after she wakes up? It was like watching The Vow and The Notebook, only more innocent and painful.
Whatever the activity is, I think it is important to enjoy your own company. It is not a bad idea to be left to your own devices once in a while. Sometimes, we get inundated with too much information that we need some time to process our thoughts and listen to our own needs. It took me some time to realize this, and even longer to fully enjoy it. It’s not an easy task to lose the self-consciousness, the anxiety, or the fear of judgment. Trust me, I am still working on that every single day. But we are given this lifetime to work on ourselves. It is when we are stagnant and unchanging that we become boring. And truthfully, life is too short to be boring.
As I turn a year older, I wish for good health for me (so I can take on new experiences without getting sick or dropping dead any time soon) and my loved ones. I pray for strength and resilience, as I try to navigate through a lot of the unknowns that come with making drastic life choices. Most importantly, I wish for patience: from myself and from others as I continue my journey of therapy and healing.
This occasion should be about an all-encompassing kind love, not just the romantic love. It should be about parental love, sibling love, friendly love, and most importantly, self-love. After all, this is why the saying “Before you can love others, you have to love yourself first” is so important. And sometimes, self-love is also the hardest thing to do. We tend to be so absorbed in making others happy that we fail to look after ourselves. Our tendency is to share ourselves to everyone that we forget to tune in and listen to our own needs.
After watching the movie, I have added Phantom to my must-see list of musicals live before I die. As luck would have it, the company has returned to Toronto just before Valentine’s Day and J has agreed to be my date.
I am very conscious of how much we spend on dates, as I feel bad that I am not able to contribute like before. I must admit, it was (and still is) a bit of a challenge since I was never really used to having a budget.
You want to know how despair feels like? Imagine a constant pressure in your chest, like a weight that gets heavier and heavier every time you breathe. You feel constricted, like you are drowning. And the worst part? It’s all inside. No one can even see how much you’re suffering. You try to verbalize what you feel and yet no one understands. Perhaps it’s because you speak your truth with a smile to mask the severity of your pain. Perhaps it’s because you lose your eloquence, trying to organize your chaos into words. Or perhaps because others just genuinely don’t understand. Regardless of the reason, it doesn’t change the fact that you feel utterly alone.
I couldn’t help but smile wryly as I remembered the innocent feelings that I had, I was only 11 years old at the time after all.
I am here. We got this.